Ayarane Project

Tag: drama monster

The one about anxiety, chairs and poking around

by Yoshi on Jun.09, 2015 | ITP: , , , ,

SO. That video? Kinda stalled right now. Basically, a lot of drama and unpredictable noise have made it SUPER-difficult to find a good solid block of time to record the commentary on the Kiros painting time lapse. (Let me remind you that my “room” is not a true room with doors and walls, it is literally a section of the den with a half-wall, and thus I have no real privacy or means of isolating myself from outside noises when people are downstairs.)


In other news, I have a usable chair again. It’s my old office chair from upstairs, and sinks rather easily because I’m a fatty mcfatbutt (plus it’s a cheap chair), but it’s still way better than a damn shower bench. I still have to stand up a lot for circulation reasons, but I’m okay with that. I recently found out about recliner exercises, this has helped me with I have to sit in my chair for a long time.

Alsoooo… I maaaay be poking around in FFXIV:ARR a bit. Let me assure you that this in no way indicates that I’m affected by the recent drama about WoW and flying and developer transparency (in fact, I’ve been trying to stay away from the forums and even dropped a couple of Twitter followers because I don’t need all that negativity in my life on top of what I already deal with, and the outrage among the playerbase is boiling over from “rabble rabble rabble” to “let’s intimidate and shame people who aren’t on the bandwagon with us” and that’s just Not Cool).

It’s more like I’ve progressed my characters enough where I’m not having to devote, like, two full days out of the week to chain-run LFR on my alts (in addition to daily crafting CDs/Garrison maintenance) where I can actually do other things and play other games like csgo, that you can learn to rank at sites like http://mycsgoboosting.com/guides/csgo-ranking-system. I’m down to two characters that need to run LFR every week, and one of them is two weeks off from being done with that (until 6.2 drops, anyway), as opposed to having to juggle 5+ alts needing to go every week. All that time freed up! (My poor 3DS has been gathering dust since Warlords launched.)

FFXIV has been something I’ve been curious about for quite awhile, but a lot of things have kept me from really acting on it (being tied up in WoW progression, for one, but also just being so exhausted from family drama and the anxiety spikes they cause, it really does take me out for much of the day because that adrenaline and energy spent staving off panic spikes has to come from SOMEWHERE). Some people in my Horde guild play, and they were talking about it during tonight’s raid, which is enough of a nudge to just download the damn client already.

And, like, I pull in enough gold through my Alliance garrisons where I could reliably just pay for my WoW account in tokens, freeing up actual monies to use for my (theoretical-but-probably-happening) FFXIV sub fees.

Having researched the game, it looks like I could actually bring Hikaru back out again (and as a proper tank, no less!) because as you remember, I couldn’t adapt her for WoW– the lore doesn’t exactly allow for Black Dragons that aren’t evil, so Hikaru got benched and Hynderia was made to take her place for the melee/plate-wearing DPS role in my giant pile of characters. And Hynderia’s character has since developed in such a way that there’s really no comparison between the two anymore. (To name one major difference aside from race, Hynderia is very much a lesbian. It was a random idea I had some time ago, and it worked so well. I think it was kind of an “extrapolation” from an accident that happened when writing Ragnarok TWILIGHT episode 2, in which the interaction between Hikaru and Yoshi could be very easily read as the two being romantically interested.)

So, that’s what’s going on. That’s all I can say for now. :P

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It’s like home invasion, but worse

by Yoshi on May.01, 2011 | ITP: ,


It’s like I’m not allowed to change my routine at all or else mother will freak out and yell at me like I did something bad. Because my chair in my office is slowly breaking down and getting louder every time I move, I decided today I’ll just stay in my room and bum around the internets on Dinah so I won’t cause any CACOPHONY OF WOOF… and then when mother comes in to bring me food she’s all pissed off at me because of, well, I don’t even know, to be honest– something about what happened to my fridge (the super-nosy newbie cats pried open the door just enough to negate the seal). She’s pissed because I choose not to answer her (and thus not feed into the Drama Monster), and that I’m withdrawn because I’m so weary of dealing with the Drama Monster shredding me apart for imaginary reasons. If I’m on Blastoise, I’m accused of “sitting around and eating everything.” She’s pissed because I still have only cursory interest in food. She only barely notices my drawing ability, usually handwaving it as some useless, expensive thing that I shouldn’t be wasting time on.

Well good lord, woman, what am I supposed to be doing? Oh, right, LOSING WEIGHT. (If such a thing can be doine in a vacuum.) Except I can’t exercise in this damned house without setting off the bulldogs, and I can’t go outside because it’s always a pain to get through that teeny tiny gap in the bushes without nearly tripping on the stepping stones or on the potholes in the grass… and she freaks out if I show any sign of exhaustion because OH MY GOD YOU’RE GOING TO DIE SEE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE BIG AND HERP A DERP A DING DONG AND YOU’RE JUST A BAD PERSON BUT I CAN’T LET YOU DIE, WHAT ON EARTH WOULD OTHER PEOPLE SAY EVEN THOUGH I DON’T CARE IF I DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.



What would you have me do? How am I supposed to pass the time? NOTHING makes you happy. I’m taking steps to help myself but it’s either not fast/drastic enough for your liking, or you just don’t like it because you can’t take credit for it, or you think I have some ulterior motivation to undermine you. You don’t even love me, I’m just your pet/attic monster that you can take everything out on, and I’m supposed to feel sorry for you because my existence drives you crazy. I’m sorry, I just can’t… you used up your goodwill with me long ago, when I figured out that you probably weren’t an innocent victim of all those mean coworkers who lived to pick on you.

No, it’s not okay for you to just… charge right into my personal space to yell at me. It’s creepy, a blatant invasion of my private space and… just plain douchebaggy.

And she asks again why I feel I need treatment for depression, and says I don’t deserve it.

Inside, I facedesk. I want to cry, but I can’t… it’ll just make her yell more and set off the dogs. She’s certainly going to whine about and thus demonize me to Evil Stepfather. I feel very, very much alone right now… even as Kestine comes to troll for attention.

By the way, the contact information I got? It’s a dud. Well, that’s fun… I didn’t trust it to begin with, and now it seems I was right. Off to the internets for me… hopefully I can find someone who’s at least heard of email, because I don’t think I can take the thought of having to cold-call around. Hell, that phobia is already what keeps me out of the job market… just… ugh…

People want me to live in this world, but they aren’t giving me good reasons as to why.

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Double Complete Drama Queen!

by Yoshi on Feb.16, 2011 | ITP: ,

You know, I was all about to post some redonkulous “whee, my mother is a blowhard drama queen” rant and she’s all moping because I misplaced my toolkit and can’t transplant one of her precious machines but… I’m just sick of the whole matter already, and feeling like I can’t make one little error without risking a meltdown that may or may not trigger threats of divorce, among other things, so I’ll just do this instead:

T [info]brendala, I may have left my toolkit at your house, and I am a moron for not having thought to look for it before today. So, um, if it is over there, I don’t suppose you could drop it off at my house tomorrow (at your convenience, of course), even if you have to stuff it in my mailbox? >_>; I have a replacement toolkit on order for future redundancy, but… yeah. Terribly sorry for my shenanigans. -_-;

The only things keeping today from completely going down the crapper? Chicken parmesan sammich with my pizza, and new Law and Order SVU episode… starting right now. :O

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