Ayarane Project

Mood whiplash is FUN!

by Yoshi on Nov.08, 2017 | ITP: , , ,

I should, like, make more of an effort to write in here again. I’ve gotten far too lazy in just barfing my thoughts solely on Twitter, and the temptation to do so has gotten only stronger because of the upgrade to 280 characters.

It’s only Tuesday and this week has already been several kinds of WTF. I knew things would be odd because 3 doctor appointments in one week, but… damn.

Monday: I had to go see my main doctor as a condition of getting my med renewal charges restocked. The doctor is a tiny old Filipino man who doesn’t really talk much (picture someone like the nameless homeroom teacher from Evangelion) but today he was unusually chatty, asking about my BiPAP machine since he has the previous model. Like, REALLY getting into it. Internally I’m like “wait, he actually talks?! Holy crap!”

As an old habit from WAY back when I was in Kaiser, I assumed the doctor would want blood work and did the fasting thing (me being a fatty mcfatderp, it’s probably a periodic check to make sure I didn’t get whacked by the diabetes stick… or maybe because of thyroid stuff. Probably both). And I was right to. BUT, because the doctor had a new, fussy and time-consuming patient ahead of me, there was a long wait for him to actually get to me. That’s not a problem, the fact that LabCorp would be closed before I could get there was. Sooo… I fasted for nothing. Fun times!

(WHY MUST YOU CLOSE SO EARLY, LABCORP? It’s not even a 9 to 5 thing! It’s 9 to 4! An hour makes a huge difference for slowpokes like me!!)

My mother got takeout on the way back, both because a pointless fast is awful and also she hadn’t eaten yet so we were both super-hungry. So the day was salvaged, I guess.

Tuesday: I had to redo the fast, and got up earlier to go do the blood work before lunch hour. More takeout, too! Unusual circumstances, so it’s okay– there wouldn’t have been enough time to go home and make lunch because…

Another doctor visit, only this time I get to hoof it to Eastvale since that’s where Pacific Eye Institute is. (For being such a fancy, lavishly-decorated facility, it gets a ton of Medicaid patients. Huh. The name and appearance implies it would be for rich people.) My old opthalmologist retired, so I got bounced to… basically the next one available, who I saw last week, and he was all “oh I should bounce you to our new keratoconus specialist” and boop, I am asked to return today to see said new person. As awkward as that scenario sounds, it was actually for the best. Why?

New eye doctor, for one, is basically Kal Penn if he had a SLIGHTLY wider head and thick-framed coke bottle glasses. Yay! Also yay: he’s actually getting the ball rolling on my corneal transplant, which has ONLY been in limbo for the past two years since old eye doctor (who was basically William H. Macy but taller and with lighter hair) was super waffly and fat-shamy– like, he was convinced that my keratoconus was a result of my being fat and he thought he could blow off doing the corneal transplant by throwing glaucoma eyedrops at me. It’s not glaucoma, jackass. Your tech flunkies said so.

New eye doctor WOULD have set up the transplant fairly soon, except being new has a few administrative complications. Like most new employees, there’s a bit of a probation period– in his case, it’s a waiting period while he’s authorized to perform surgery at the hospital he was hired at. He doesn’t seem to be bothered much by me being a “patient of size” so I don’t expect much finger-waggling there.

I’m prescribed a second set of eye drops to stack on the brimonidine, only these drops aren’t being used in the “let’s just act like we’re dealing with glaucoma” context, this prednisolone is more of a “let’s try to fix even a little bit of the scarring in the meantime until we can book you for surgery” thing, so at least there’s considerably less bullshit to deal with.

It seems like a really good day so far! I get home and lie down a bit before raid night in WoW. Yeee, we’re gonna finally punch Heroic Kil’jaeden and I’ll still get my pizza later because Tuesday is pizza day! A few minutes before we’re set to begin, I get up to go to Blastoise, but Daisy was on my desk. I didn’t notice her, and she wasn’t aware of me approaching since I wasn’t wearing my slippers, so she got startled and toppled my almost-empty water pitcher that I had moved to my PC desk to make room for sorting my medicine that morning and… uhhh…

It wasn’t a lot of water, but juuuust enough to get into my keyboard and mouse. Aw hell. Welp, I figured both were totally wrecked and I’d have to withdraw from the raid until whenever I could secure replacements. My mood just tanked SUPER hard.

I went back to lounging in bed and– oh, the guild got Ahead of the Curve and WELP THERE GOES MY CHANCE TO GET A KILL VIDEO WITH NERDSCREAMS, FFFFFFF– a few hours later came back to Blastoise to confirm that my stuff was still dead.

It wasn’t. Both the keyboard and mouse recovered.

WHAT.

I’ve never had a good track record with any kind of water damage, however rare it was. I’d lost a nice keyboard and my old Macbook to water damage and I was sure my current keyboard and Naga Chroma were done for… except they survived. Somehow. I should just shut up and be grateful that they aren’t hosed, right?

Now I’m just in this weird… mood whiplash headspace. I was prepared to be just miserable for potentially the rest of the week, and while I appreciate my guild offers to replace my stuff I don’t think I could deal with the shame of having to sponge my way back, not without treating it as a commission and throwing art at them in return. (And it would have been WAY worse if Robert did it. Which is really out of character for him. Bro out-pennypinches Scrooge McDuck, he’s the last person I would expect to volunteer to replace my keyboard and such.) Ahh, residual disability-related guilt sure is fun, isn’t it?

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Revised Commission Info… again

by Yoshi on Nov.01, 2017 | ITP: ,

Info cards

GIMME YOUR COINS— I mean hi

Hello friends! Since you’re reading this, it means I was successful in scrounging up coins, and even had some left over! Ayarane Project is thus secured for the next 3 years. Hooray!

Of course, I should always be soliciting more commissions because SSI is still chump change and commissions are still the safest way of padding my tiny-ass bank account without Social Security getting pissy. Holidays are coming up, and commissions make nice gifts!

I’m retiring the google form since in hindsight it’s way too wordy and most of my requests come in over Twitter and Facebook anyway. See the above image for new details! Of note: I’ve lifted the restrictions on fan art and NSFW content, though the latter comes with a $25 surcharge. This is because I have nearly no privacy and I have to wait until people go to bed or are otherwise not in viewing range of my iPad to avoid awkward conversations. (It’s not like there are outright objections to me drawing nudes, I just don’t need to hear my mother repeatedly dredging up the story about how my uncle took figure studies just to indulge in drawing naked women. Old story is old.)

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THE (COPYPASTA’D) CONTRACT RENEWAL CAMPAIGN

by Yoshi on Aug.25, 2017 | ITP: , ,

(copypasta’d from Twitter with light editing, that is)
aka “Yoshi needs to scrounge 180 coins by 10/27”

I am once again in need of some monetary assistance. My host contract for the Ayarane Project server (this very website) is up for renewal at the end of October (the 27th, to be specific). It’s up for renewal every 3 years, which works out to a very reasonable deal @ $5 a month, paid up front for $180.

It was a reasonable amount to deal with at the time I purchased the hosting (late 2008) but disability and the sharply reduced income that comes with it makes renewing a LITTLE painful. I have and will continue doing what I can to save up to pay for it, but since I lose 80% of my monthly SSI payments to household bills and much of the leftover is eaten up by my personal expenses (Tracfone and MMO subs) I don’t have much wiggle room.

I’ve had the domain+server since 2001 and I would really, REALLY hate to lose everything I’ve accomplished on my website over the years, even though I see more use of Twitter/Facebook these days. Please indulge this derplord’s wish to preserve a huge chunk of my online identity.

Commissions are the usual go-to but I realize that at $50 it’s not the most affordable, so I’ve made a Ko-fi account as a more accessable option. I also plan to do some kind of streaming to hopefully solicit additional donations! Please vote in this Strawpoll for what you would like to see me stream. I’ll PROBABLY pick the top two, though I reserve the right to substitute at my discretion if things glitch out.

(To preemptively address a recurring question: Patreon is NOT an option as is anything that requires filling out a 1040 form, since it is considered “recurring income” and would surely attract unwanted attention from Social Security. Single-instance things like commissions, Ko-fi and direct paypal transfers are “grey area” and unlikely to get my SSI benefits torpedoed.)

If you’re not able to donate, no worries– you can still help by sharing this post/future stream notifications and referring your friends who are in search of a commission artist.

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(Instant Ramen) Siblings in War

by Yoshi on Jun.02, 2017 | ITP: , , , ,

Double art post! There was a little over a month’s gap between them but here’s some art of my and Robert’s WoW mains.

Also here’s some process videos:

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I am that asshole: Don’t undermine your message with bad optics

by Yoshi on May.17, 2017 | ITP: ,

This video has been getting passed around and I’m of mixed opinions on it as a whole.

Well, the literal message in there I don’t disagree with, though as someone who was emotionally abused, I am wary of the use of “tough love” as the only way it works is if you aren’t lashing out from a place of anger or domination, and sadly a lot of people aren’t quite capable of that and they have to request services as betterhelp for advice. Bonus points if the parent has a poor grasp of what depression and anxiety does to a child’s behavior, just like my mother, in these cases hearing about Kratom news and information is very essential.

It’s just… the presentation and optics of it bother me. I get it, they want to be funny by portraying the “stressed mom drinking wine and eating ice cream” but once you get past that and start reading between the lines of this narrative (intentional or not) you see that, no, the mother is actually VERY bothered by her kids resenting her because she was strict. Her body language and constant reiteration of how she doesn’t care that her kids are mad gives away that she’s quite thin-skinned about it. The wine and ice cream part could be taken as her needing to self-soothe with food and alcohol (and that last comment about how ice cream is on sale suggests this is a thing that happens on a regular basis), and she’s being quite flippant about it, too. I’m not sure I could take seriously someone like that. I would probably recommend therapy.

Of course, if you are a derp and go into the comments section like I do (with full knowledge that it’s going to be a trainwreck), you’ll see that it’s mostly people siding with the OP, and shouting down anyone who points out the detail about the wine and ice cream. “It’s just a joke, it’s supposed to be funny” is a common response from people who are in denial about how problematic their message is.

Don’t undermine your message with bad optics. Especially if it’s in a parenting video.

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Like the sass and awesome and artwork and other happy things you see on Ayarane Project? Consider tossing a few coins into Yoshi's Magic Coin Block and contribute to the cool. Even better: if you put in 20 coins or more, you get credit towards a Gourmet Ramen piece! This is cumulative-- you can donate smaller amounts in different instances but have it add up-- and scales to the same parameters as Gourmet Ramen commissions.

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