Archive for the ‘journal’ Category

I Am That Asshole: The Solidarity Edition

Sunday, November 15th, 2015
Not doing it.

Changing my profile and hashtags won’t help your cause. Sorry.

So, uhm, apparently on my way home from my most recent stay in the hospital, some awful stuff went down in Paris. And as usual for anything of this calibur, social media thinks it can make it all better if people would just change their icons and insert platitude hashtags.

No thank you.

Now, before I continue, I want to make it clear that terrorism in any form is horrible and I don’t condone it in ANY way. (Because you know someone is going to interpret this Post of Unpopular Opinion like that…)

It’s, just… changing my profile picture does what, exactly? “Support France and the people of Paris” is an awfully vague statement. Call me a party pooper, but overlaying the colors of the French flag over my fat face… doesn’t really do anything to, you know, locate the perpetrators, collect evidence that would lead to their conviction, provide monetary and logistical aid to the wounded and their families. Changing your icon does not do any of those things, ever. Only people on the scene can do that, and people on the scene have no time to be busting out their phones to fart around on Facebook.

This is just like that one time where there was a campaign encouraging people to change their Twitter/FB icons to, what was it, 80’s cartoons to raise awareness for child abuse. And I was all “what the crap, how vague and ineffective is that? Changing your icon will not end child abuse. Not by a longshot.” Classic feel-good slactivism is what that is, feeling like you’ve contributed to a cause by doing what is essentially nothing at all.

So, all you people swapping icons to support a cause or to “mourn” with a locale that has suffered a tragedy… Please, please think about what you are doing and whether or not it will influence the outcome in any way. (Spoiler: It won’t.) If you want to Do Something About It, put your feet on the ground and get to it by, you know, volunteering for the appropriate organizations. Or if you’re too far away or otherwise unable to act directly, go donate to said relevant organizations. Enough with this “I’m going to change my Facebook profile to support/protest X” bullshit, because you’re just diluting your own message.

Bonus rant: the #prayersforparis hashtag!

Um, okay. I know your hearts are in the right place (the above notwithstanding), but… you DO know that France is a very secular country that highly discourages public displays of religion, right? While it appears to be a Catholic country because of all the historic cathedrals and such, in practice it is very big on religion being a personal thing that the state should have no influence in, like imposing a religion on everyone. It’s even uncomfortable with religious displays/expression in public places because it could be interpreted as support for one religion over another. Surely you may recall controversy about Muslim students wearing their hijabs in public schools…?

So, yeah, about that #prayersforparis hashtag that I’ve seen floating around? It’s actually quite inappropriate and does not respect the French stance on public displays of religion. Put another way, it’s like telling an atheist person that you’ll pray for them despite KNOWING they are atheist and would therefore find such a thing at LEAST a little offputting. In this case, the secular “our thoughts are with you” alternative is actually the best one you could use, if you must make such a platitude.

I understand that prayer is a common, powerful coping mechanism for many religious people, but it’s essentially their version of the “changing my social media picture will solve everything” trick. You can pray until you’re blue in the face, but prayers will not catch the perpetrators, get them convicted or provide medical/practical/monetary aid to the victims and their families. Actual hard work and donations to the appropriate charities will!

(Want a good, helpful hashtag to cling to? #PorteOuverte (literally “open door”) among the locals who provide shelter to those either directly affected by the attack, or are stranded because of canceled flights. And it’s an example of “action, not platitude” at work!)

—-

In the absence of directly assisting in those things or putting your money where your mouth is, the best thing you can do is to go about your lives and aspire to do good. Don’t feed into mob mentalities, don’t give into revenge fantasies, because that stuff just brews racism and violent thoughts and hate and… it just feeds into the cycles that lead to these incidents happening. We as human beings have this really bad habit of using Bad Events like terrorism or shootings to “otherize” people and lump them together as the enemy, and that doesn’t really help anyone. It happened after Pearl Harbor, it happened after 9/11, it happens every goddamn time that a large amount of people die because of violence, as if we think we can justify hate and vengeance and we forget that whole “an eye for an eye makes the world blind” thing that some people are being charged by the violence that they have done. Whether or not a felony domestic violence is charged with a misdemeanor or felony domestic violence offense largely depends upon the specific actions committed by the defendant.

“But I’m just blowing hot air,” the person who gets called out on openly talking about his violent revenge fantasy says. “I’m just talking. I’m not actually going to do (super violent thing), I know it’s illegal. But I’m just so MAD.” Still not okay, because it inevitably influences you to form prejudices and biases that don’t need to be there. I’m not saying “don’t get mad about stuff ever” but rather, funnel that into something constructive or at the very least won’t make the situation worse.

This unpopular opinion was brought to you by the itch on my belly and my cat rubbing on my chair.

BLING OR GTFO (Yoshi has a new shiny)

Friday, November 13th, 2015

Hey. Hey guys. Look. I got something neat a couple days ago.

LOOK.

IT'S SO BIG AND PURDY.

IT’S SO BIG AND PURDY.

Yes, because I am just that ridiculous, I got (read: sent my mother to acquire on my behalf) this iPad Pro here. It’s the 32GB Gold Wifi version, and basically is Dinah’s replacement body since that unfortunate thing we won’t talk about anymore.

No Apple Pencil yet (supposedly the first week of December?) but oh man, I’m getting that too. I can’t NOT get it. Dinah’s going to wreck so much face with that Pencil, so you can bet this will help a ton with art stuff. Even without the pencil, the sound and video quality are amazing! YouTube and Netflix will shine on her. :D

Also, there’s some other stuff about me having to go back to the hospital because my hernia staples were misbehaving and causing an infection, but I don’t want to think about it anymore since it’s punching me in the face with the sads. (Hospitals are terrible. Not because of the people– they’re awesome and do good work. It’s everything ELSE that is shitty.)

I am That Asshole, the Childfree Edition

Friday, November 6th, 2015

I, uh, apparently have a reputation for being really nice and sweet and not judgmental at all…

But let’s be real, EVERYONE has a bit of an asshole in them, and I’m not exempt from this.

In essence, Didn’t Do It Bail Bonds Reviews establishes a guarantee to the court system that the defendant will return to the court system to stand trial on his or her expected court date.

There is of course the part of me that’s a Filthy Atheist(tm) but that’s already been touched on a bit before. No, today I want to talk about how I’m a jerk when it comes to having friends or acquaintances who are pregnant.

Growing up, I had a bunch of teachers who would be very visibly pregnant, and when they went on maternity leave, most of them did not come back. (West Heritage Elementary had an absurd amount of turnover, in hindsight.) Since my depression was already punching me in the face pretty hardcore, building up a relationship with these teachers, only to have them bail on me was not very helpful and just left me more lost in The Sads, and as you know I didn’t have much support at home, and now I have these long-term subs who would look at me like I was that sad sack of “I don’t know what to do with her” and were even more unhelpful. So there’s one strike in my psyche, childhood!me came to associate pregnant women with “you will be abandoned soon, don’t bother.”

And I would watch videos and TV documentaries about the “joys of childbirth” and such, thinking it would give me some sort of insight as to what the appeal is, and I was just not seeing it. Let’s repeat that, I’m a female and I don’t understand the appeal of having babies. Even though it may be nice to carry them in a body shaper after pregnancy.

So, really, I guess this is a roundabout way of saying “shit happened in childhood, therefore I am one of those Childfree people.”

The frustration is that in recent years, as people I’ve met and went to school with/gamed with on the internets and such, they’re pairing off and having babies. And when I see the announcement a part of me winces a bit, because childhood!me is all “well shit, why did I bother if I’m going to be ditched after the baby’s here?” It’s not a narcissistic “you’re having a baby and not going to pay attention to meeeeee” envy thing, it’s just this thing that triggers bad memories of childhood and feeling like I’m going to be cast aside just like all the other times and I don’t want to deal with that if I can help it.

The next part DOES come with a bit of doucheyness on my part, it’s being rather annoyed with those who wear their pregnancy-addled heart on their sleeves. Actually it feeds more into my general irritation with emotional, dramatic people in general (thanks, mom!), but whenever someone starts getting weepy because of hormones or whatever, inside I’m all “calm your boobs, sheesh,” and gritting my teeth REALLY HARD I might need a denture https://canyonrimdentalsaltlake.com/dentures/ because I gotta hold my tongue. I get gaslit all the time whenever I’m a bit down (again, feeding back to not-supportive family members) and in almost every other instance I’m able to not be a jerk that way… except for this. It just makes me think “stop, oh jeebus, you’re being ridiculous and aggravating. Just, don’t.” It’s super-mean and invalidating and I’m very sorry and I try to keep this part of me stuffed in a corner so as not to be a douche or repeat the cycle of people not giving a shit about other’s feelings.

Social media spam of babies and such, they surprisingly don’t bother me as much, though a part of me does wonder about this trend– what’s the kid going to think when they grow up and the first thing that happens when they google themselves and find the obligatory Drooly Baby/Naked Baby in Bathtub pictures. We don’t exactly give them a chance to give or deny consent, and most parents don’t really think about the future consequences of posting pictures of their then-infant children. But that’s a question to be debated elsewhere, I suppose.

BlingPad Pro next week, surely there will be pictures and gushing over my latest and greatest tool in the Instant Ramen Sketchbook scene.

(Yes, “BlingPad Pro” because I’m getting my iPad Pro in gooooooold. I may put a BlingTron as my wallpaper for the first week. :P)

#gronngaline

Thursday, November 5th, 2015
#gronngaline

1-2-3-4-GRONNGA! (courtesy of Morri @mindfulaide)

So, tonight was supposed to be our big bad Normal Archimonde kill. I was even set to record the raid session and from it prepare a YouTube of the actual kill so that Sarahtonim (our goblin Resto shammy) can see, since she’s on extended leave (though her twin sister Suzi was able to come back).

And well, we did get some pulls in! But our boss-man (who is also one of our tanks) had car trouble and had to take an extended AFK so someone could drive him back to his workplace to get stuff out from said car. So, loyal Peons being loyal Peons, we wait. Others wander AFK themselves for bio breaks/beer reloads/letting dogs out…

…then silliness starts during the downtime. Those of us who raid know this well.

Robert is the type who would whip out mounts from his ginormous collection for showing off their /mountspecial. Eventually he gets to his Coalfist Gronnling that I gave him on his second day back, and then a Gronnga Line happens. (Oddly enough, we must credit the Gronnga Line to Suzi, way back when we were just poking at Hellfire Assault.) I mount up on my own Gronnling and jokingly /yell GRONNGA LINE! Because, uh, siblings in silliness. :P

Other guildies (specifically Luna/Niisaar and Morri) join in, following Robert around on their Gronnlings (and with the “RP walk” on, no less) and I’m behind them, awkwardly trying to get a screencap to toss on Twitter. (they are also tweeting this #gronngaline, hashtag and all, and our handles get exchanged) Then George/Ninigi (other tank) and Schado get in on it, too.

#gronnhug

aww, a group gronn-hug!

And this goes on for a good half-hour before Linux pipes up on vent, announcing that because Char is taking way too long to get back, we’re going to stop for the night. Still, we got a pretty good #gronngaline going, complete with hashtag (and I still question why the crap Robert doesn’t have Twitter, he even uses “hashtag punchlines” like I do). We also learn that my brother is a filthy Burning Legion loyalist and probably chugs Gul’dan-made Gatorade on a regular basis, since he was /saluting Archimonde and such. You could basically drop him in Kilrogg’s place during that particular cutscene in the legendary ring questline, and absolutely nothing would change. XD

For tomorrow’s alt run via Critically Insane, I’ve not only recruited Robert since he wants the fist weapons that drop from Fel Lord Zakuun, but Schado is tagging along as well. Not for loot, but because Schado was so amused by the OpenRaid notice that Frailin (Critically Insane boss-man) writes that he wants to meet these dudes that my cow priest hangs around with. Okay XD

For the curious, some choice pieces of the OpenRaid notice:

About us: We are a filthy casual group. We lust/tranq on trash routinely, but it’s usually because one of us is cracking up everyone else, or talking about the War of 1812, or Disney World. Occasionally, we kill bosses.

Composition: (…)  If you are new or inexperienced you are also welcome – we will take you under our filthy wings.

Voice communications: We use Mumble. Please download and install before raid start. You do not have to speak but you MUST listen for callouts and our inane banter. 

Misc items: We curse and tell dirty jokes and whatnot. We occasionally make tongue-in-cheek comments on potentially sensitive topics. I expect people in this group to be mature enough to know how to converse with other adults in a jovial but respectful fashion – our conversations often remind me of happy hour, complete with the alcohol.

Now, I’m not a drunk raider (even though that’s what Critically Insane is, drinking raid group) but anyone who goes out of his way to make silly raid advertisements like that has to be worth hanging around with. XD

Christmas Creep (or, “I am a filthy contrarian”)

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015

So I see a bunch of people on Facebook are, in addition to posting aggravating “simpler times were better/I am an 80s kid and it rocked back then” and “I’ma wear my Jesus on my sleeve and if you don’t like it you’re a horrible person” memes, and also the “parents should regrow their backbones and smack their children” ones (which led to me making a low-key but still kinda vocal rant on Twitter about how people who say “I was spaganked and I am okay” are not really okay at all because they were conditioned to think violence against children is acceptable, with the noticeable disclaimer that because of my background I am more likely to view such things through the lens of abuse. I blame my lack of post-surgery pain meds for that one because I am usually much better at holding my tongue).

Ugh, okay, fine. I don’t obnoxiously broadcast my atheism/asexuality… and this being the internet, my obsessing over cats seems to be well-tolerated.

Now we have the “Christmas Creep haters” and the “these awesome stores are closed on Thanksgiving” memes.

Oh dear.

The Christmas Creep haters can actually get pretty, uh, vicious in their hate. One is all “for every mention of Christmas, God kills a baby reindeer.” Overkill much? o_O I get that you kinda want to give Thanksgiving its proper time, and your aversion to the blatant commercialization of Christmas at the expense of its spiritual origins, but, damn. (Spoiler alert, Thanksgiving is heavily commercialized too.)

But I’ma be the wielder of unpopular opinions and contrarianism once more. I LOVE Christmas. Yes, I’m a filthy atheist and I freaking love Christmas. I fully embrace its blatant secular commercial aspects. For one thing… lights! Lights are shiny and happy and this is the one time of year I have no problem jacking up my electric bill to illuminate my tiny-ass synthetic tree (that I unfortunately need to replace due to aging, it’s breaking apart pretty badly). I love seeing the house lights on the rare occasions I am able to go out, and this year I intend to try walking around my block on a regular basis to look at them. While I live in SoCal, the land in which snow is something you would see more on TV/art than in real life, I like the winter-themed decorations in the stores and around the city. I will even happily stomach your blatantly-religious Christmas music since it’s quite pleasant to listen to. And, of course, Christmas is an excuse to eat eat eat and eat some more, candy and sweet breads and such.

(Loot is… a distant perk, I guess. About 10-ish years ago it might have been more important, but not so much anymore. I mean, it’s nice if I get something, but… no big, you know?)

So, yes, I am in favor of Christmas Creep. I’m not a big fan of Thanksgiving because first and foremost, I find turkey and most Thanksgiving food rather bland and unappealing. (Sadly the hospital food was NOT helpful in this regard, they kept pushing turkey and I’m all “uh no thank you, I was happier on the liquid diet since that way I got chicken soup”) This of course leads into the guilt trips over not liking turkey like “normal” people, which in turn leads to a lot of needless mashing of my depression and anxiety buttons. While in recent years that hasn’t happened so much because nobody comes over for Thanksgiving anymore, and we have opted to ditch turkey in favor of takeout like the filthy Americans we are… you never forget that stuff.

This leads to the second part, my distaste for people gloating about stores being closed on Thanksgiving. The original message, that people should be given time off to be with their families, is completely legit and I’m okay with that. But when you start gloating and shaming others because they shop at places that ARE open, that’s what I have a huge problem with, because you’re missing other sides of the story. For instance, some people don’t have families to spend the holidays with and/or WANT to work on that holiday, because they need the money (and maybe to get away from family. Yes, here I go, seeing stuff through a lens of a person with narcissistic parents.)

Also, I’ma go to bat for those of us who are chronically less-prepared, or just have shit come up and “oh, we don’t have enough food. SURPRISE MARKET TRIP!” If the haters had their way and shut down all the stores– ALL OF THEM– then we’d kinda be screwed. Surprise Thanksgiving Market Trips are, surprise, a common thing in my house because my mom is a LITTLE bit scatterbrained is known to forget to restock/get stuff even though she has apps to remind her. Yep. It would be nice if everyone were perfectly prepared and there were no sudden instances of “oh noes we are missing/don’t have enough of X” so all the markets can shut down for the day and give everyone the day off.

Also ALSO: we statistically have some Canadian-born people that may have already done their Thanksgiving and wouldn’t mind being at work to pick up an extra shift? Just a thought.

Again, this feeds into my true complaint about it, that people either forget or are plain unwilling to consider alternate scenarios. Le facepalm!

I had my post-surgery follow-up appointment thingy yesterday, and the doctors (the surgeon who actually did the surgery, and a cute lady doctor who… well, I don’t think she was in the OR, but she was definitely someone who was involved in evaluation and analysis) removed my JP drain flask. I MAY have inadvertently called it a “jejunum-placed” drain rather than its proper name (“Jackson-Pratt”), oops. I was sent home with antibiotics because the little hole where the JP drain tubing was inserted was starting to get red, and the doctors were all “ruh roh, let’s stop that before a bad infection crops up.” Long pink pills (Clindamycin) are loooooong.

Gotta come back in a week to get the staples taken off, and then it’s just a matter of waiting for everything inside to fully heal.

Arrowhead is a pretty hospital. ALMOST as nice as Kaiser. (Kaiser does have mini-waterfalls in its enclosed garden, so it scores slightly higher there.) You can go to JLSinc.net to achieve high class design.

On the way back, I was hungry, had some extra coin + coupons, and dammit, I was curious about the new All Day Breakfast menu at McDonalds, so I got two Sausage+Egg McMuffins (buy one/get one coupons FTW). And I got fries because fries are better than those tiny hash brown patties. When I got home I poured out some syrup into a condiment bowl so I could dip my McMuffins, kinda like a breakfast version of au jus. It was gloriously tasty, would very much recommend. :)

UNFORTUNATELY things took a tragic turn a couple hours later, as when I was moving my table that had my water cup and my ninja macbook Dinah, I kinda sloshed the water and some big drops got on Dinah’s keyboard, and I guess enough got in where the damage was critical. Stupid me! I should have closed her lid, but I was so used to doing this that… ugh. I dried her off and powered down and turned her upside down to let anything in there drain out, and tried to reboot her later that evening, but it was too late. Her “body” is in situ near my bed. :\

She’s 2 years out of warranty, and the current Mac Book models are way too expensive to even consider… so I’ma have to go without for the foreseeable future. Sort of. Rather than get a replacement laptop, I guess I’ll just fling my spending coin (the portion of my SSI money that I do my best to keep away from my mother when she drains me every month for bills) on the iPad Pro+Pen that’s supposed to come out later this month. I thought I was going to not bother looking into that even though it has tasty pressure levels and I can use it as a proper drawing tablet, but with Dinah broken, this suddenly became a more appealing option. I’ma have to piggyback on my mother’s Best Buy credit though, something I am not exactly jumping for joy over… but yeah. Definitely getting it in gold, because if I’ma get Apple, I may as well go Full Bling. :P

BECAUSE OF THIS (needing more coins, and having something to facilitate art), I will most likely be opening up Gourmet Ramen commissions soon. I was hesitant to do any commission work after being approved for SSI because of concerns about interference with benefits, but, screw it, it probably gets read as “beer/fluff money” and won’t count (and I don’t think the government cares enough to track recipients’ bank accounts in real time, that shit is probably expensive to do for not much reward).

Finally, today is Tuesday, which is yay because that means raiding with bro and Lazy Peons. Robert sent me a cute tell when he was logging out, “yell at me if I oversleep!” (Usually it’s ME who oversleeps…) I was all “I will (politely) yell at your phone. And then give it cookies. Because mage tables.”

Absolutely no regrets in dragging him into Lazy Peons. Probably one of the best things I’ve done in WoW, and we’re all better for it. He seems happier having more people to talk to, he gets to be an Orc, I have more reason to play my Horde people, and the guild overall likes him. We just gotta get him to talk on Vent, so people will believe me when I describe him as being a blend of David Hayter and Will Smith (complete with “oh HELL no”).