Archive for the ‘journal’ Category

Quit Your Belly-Aching… Oh Wait

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

Three words: Incarcerated Ventral Hernia.

or, “why Yoshi kept having to go to the ER since late August”

I… think I was kind of aware that a hernia was forming since last year I noticed a small mass forming in my belly, but it wasn’t causing any problems then, and unless it’s acting up there isn’t much that can be done.

Except in June (and more intensely as of August) it DID. I’d gone in thinking a bunch of things, that it was a UTI, that it was my appendix, that it was a bowel obstruction, and while two of those three were true, they were influenced by a larger issue.

Earlier in October, the ER doctors were all “you should probably investigate elective surgery, have your doctor issue a referral to the surgery clinic.” Um, sure, that’s a good idea! I’d like to not have to keep going back because I ran out of hydrocodone (aka Norco aka the pill that keeps the pain away) and I imagine the ER and medical/surgical wing doods are sick to death of me bouncing back, so I did exactly as they said. My primary doctor, however, was very much “WTF are they thinking, making you wait? They should really do the emergency Premier Image Cosmetic and Laser Surgery!” he said that there had been way too many clinical negligence cases lately.

But we kinda have to work within the confines of the insurance. This is Medi-Cal after all. I don’t have to pay for any of it, and never properly paid into it by working. I struggle every day with the guilt, with feeling that I don’t deserve the help I have (Medi-Cal, SSI, disability status, etc.). So, I feel like I didn’t have room to really push the issue and go along with what was asked of me.

The Friday evening of the 23rd, though, the shit hit the fan (oh man that’s incredibly appropriate given what we’re dealing with). My medicine was no longer effective. I thought it was because I took it after eating dinner rather than before, so I tried to just tough it out while waiting for a delayed activation… except it wasn’t happening at all. I couldn’t sleep at all that night, despite trying different positions or even taking additional medicine, and eventually I started getting nauseous despite having anti-emetic medication in addition to the hydrocodone. Oh dear.

So after briefly telling my brother what was going on over battle.net’s IM/global tell thingy, I go back to the ER yet again. The surgeons are called to look me over and they’re all “oh shit, this hernia is incarcerated, we gotta open her up right away.” Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Was it scary, the thought of emergency surgery? …no, not really, since there wasn’t much time to think about it. Since it was Saturday, and surgery isn’t usually done on weekends, it’s not like I had to wait long, I basically had a full emergency surgical team ready to go. They wheel me into the OR, plop me on the table, push the anesthetics and I wink out within a couple minutes.

No, it was AFTER the surgery was done that’s hellish. I wink out and wake up in the ICU not only intubated (2 attempts, I’m told, and the roof of my mouth is kinda shredded and tender as a result for the time being) but also with that infernal NG tube and TWO IVs (one is a backup and said backup ended up failing) and EKG leads. Yeah, I’m wired up alright, like I’m on my last legs! And I’m in the big BariAir fat person bed, which I would later learn is not very comfortable at all despite everyone’s assertions, and not designed for free entry/exit like the standard beds.

The respiratory therapist doods had to give me a steroid to drop the swelling that had formed in my throat (as a result of intubation), and it took two days to get the tubes out. And let me tell you, the dreams I had while drifting in and out of consciousness post-surgery ranged from depressing to outright scary, and I couldn’t vocalize anything I felt until after I had been extubated. It all hit me with the force of a Mack Truck, and I really wish my mother hadn’t been so victim-blamey and dismissive and most definitely”poor-me” when I broke down that evening. Argh.

Oh and it gets so much better, you see, because that bed doesn’t let me get in and out so easily, and it was such a huge pain to get a bedpan in after they removed the foley catheter, so… yeah. I couldn’t exactly get up to use the bathroom and was frequently buzzing the nurses for cleanup. They were really nice and professional about it and never once complained to my face, but I get really anxious about that stuff and hate bothering people over it and it definitely did not help my post-surgery depression.

They also attempt to put a CPAP mask on me and, uh, I was just not having any of it. While we got the settings enough to be bearable, I was having some pretty bad claustrophobia and I was already extremely stressed out because of everything, so that was stopped and they decided keeping me on supplementary oxygen was good enough. I still have a sleep study booked, so we’ll try calibrating that again under better circumstances.

Eventually I got moved to the usual med/surgery floor for less-invasive monitoring. (In a private room, thankfully, because of the size of the bed.) I get put on a clear liquid diet, which I am okay with because I get lots of chicken broth, and on the last two days I get upgraded to regular solid food (not renal, not cardiac, not diabetic, but the “normal people” food with a notation about keeping pineapples the hell away from me). I am told I need to be cleared by Respiratory, Occupational and Physical Therapy before I can be discharged, and those happen rather quickly– despite having been in bed for almost a week, I didn’t weaken much and didn’t get dizzy or anything when I sat up and could walk just fine, so they let me go home Thursday evening.

Right now I have a JP (jejunum-placed) drainage tube connected to some kind of Fisher-Price-esque flask that’s supposed to collect whatever fluid-stuff that formed from my stitches. I have staples in my lower belly (ew) that are supposed to be taken out along with said JP flask in a couple days– tomorrow, potentially…? And we’re looking at least a month before I’m fully healed, so, uh, more pain pills! Woo!

But, yeah, that hernia bullshit (huh huh) is officially fixed. Yesterday I got a letter from the AlphaCare doods (the actual insurance underwriter) that said that the consultation for what would have been the elective surgery wasn’t until December. There is NO EFFING WAY I would have been able to hold out that long, even if I had unlimited hydrocodone and all the morphine I could guzzle. It’s true that if this had been done laproscopically it would not take as long to heal, but… them’s the breaks, I guess. At least the doctors fixed me, even if it was a less graceful method.

Uhm… aside from that, I don’t feel as lopsided in my belly, and I notice that more when I’m sleeping because I used to kinda tip to the right. (It has the unfortunate side effect of not letting me easily swing my left leg up to rest on my bed while sitting, since now my guts are more evenly balanced rather than there being deflated on the left side. Oh well, I’ll get used to having to try a little harder there.) Because of the heparin shots I got (standard practice if you’re hospitalized, it prevents blood clots from forming due to reduced activity, otherwise you have to take dangerous blook thinner drugs, which can cause side effects. You read about them at http://sideeffectsofxarelto.org/current-xarelto-lawsuits/.) the bruises from all the IVs and blood draws are taking longer to heal, and it’s especially tender in my wrists because they got needled a lot. :P

For the more medically-technical-minded, or those bored enough to google, it was an open repair (approx’ 8-inch incision that barely avoids my navel). Thankfully nothing necrotized despite repeated paralysis, and it was supposedly a simple “push everything back into place and cut away the newly-formed tissue” repair job with no mesh needed, surprising because when it comes to fat people getting hernias it is very rarely this easy. So, uh, lucky me I guess.

Man, I don’t even want to THINK about how much all this would have cost if I didn’t have insurance. Yay Medi-Cal, because I probably would have been rendered medically bankrupt several times over.

I’m already back in the raiding saddle, of course. It doesn’t hurt me (more than the passive/always-on “oh hey, I have stitches and they’re kinda sore” pain) and being able to hang out with Robert and my raid groups keeps me from dwelling on how otherwise I’m a giant sad sack. :P I joke that I didn’t need a Halloween costume, I could be female Gorefiend or Patchwerk because of my grotesque stitched tummy. And, of course, the JP drain flask provides additional spooky factor, heh.

(Instant Ramen Sketchbook) Yoshi ~Hydromancer~

Friday, October 23rd, 2015
Water. Lots of water. Also a Yoshi.

Water. Lots of water. Also a Yoshi.

Art post, what? Yoshi (the human version) with the basic version of Ebonchill (the Frost Mage Artifact weapon), and lots of water.

Originally, Kiros and Kestine were to appear in this as well, but I had a lot of setbacks time-wise because of repeated illness and had to drop them from the final composition. ANOTHER TIME, I suppose!

This piece is for the Legion art event on Wowhead. As of this writing the results have not been released, but there is potentially a Wacom Cintiq 27QHD Touch on the line. But there’s also 13-inch Cintiqs up for grabs as well, and even if I were to place 2nd, it still means a free copy of Legion. Because I’m on disability income, any coin I don’t have to spend is always going to be a good thing. (That said, I would be very very happy if I could get either kind of the Cintiq prizes because I’d otherwise never be able to afford them!)

This week I actually got to raid with Robert, and it was pretty effing rad! He’s already racked up 3 tier pieces and up to ilvl 691. He is also open to tagging along on the Critically Insane runs (technically alt runs for me since I’m using cow!Phil with them on a regular basis again, with Robert here and Suzi likely to return next week, Lazy Peons won’t need so much cowbell anymore. Their loss is Mr. Frailin’s gain, I suppose) to fling bonus rolls, since he still needs some pieces to fill out his gear. He’s better geared for Enhancement than Resto, of course.

Let’s hope the Peons can help me sell bro on getting a headset and talking in Vent. Right now he says he can’t be bothered, but I think once he sees how nutty we are he would want to jump in and sass off with Char. Or validate my assertion that he’s voice actor material. It’s been YEARS since I’ve heard bro break out his flawless Dr. Evil voice. Don’t make me a liar, man!

Gut Punch Redux

Friday, October 16th, 2015

I was supposed to raid with Robert on Tuesday. Was going to record the whole thing. It was supposed to be awesome!

Except early Tuesday morning (like sometime after reset)… I’d just made some more Shaman glyphs for him, grabbed my bonus rolls and logged out to lie down a bit, and then SUDDENLY HORRIFIC, SOUL-RENDING PAIN.

Yeah, another intestinal blockage (which could have also been a UTI), and it was obviously bad enough to get myself to the ER. I was so out of it from pain an stress I wasn’t able to poke Robert to let him know what’s what, so now I had the additional worry of “oh crap I’m going to flake out on raid AGAIN, and on bro’s first day raiding with the Peons.

short version of that hospital trip: no no no, under no circumstances are you sticking that NG tube in me again, find some other way to fix this no matter how long it takes or how many days I go without food. (NG tube to suck out the air. Unfortunately in those situations it calls for the bigger tubes which basically render one side of my nostrils/throat useless for breathing, meaning sleep does not happen, and I was exhausted from all the pain and stress. Fortunately waiting it out with IV medication ended up working, and more importantly it was decided that I am to undergo surgery for a hernia repair (it’s been the true cause of these SBOs). GOOD.

But my mother was extremely late in coming to get me on Wednesday, meaning I missed the Part 2 raid. Questions about my priorities aside (let’s be real, as a disabled housebound woman, can you really hold it against me for putting as much emphasis as I do on what goes on in muh vidya gaems? I’m not exactly curing cancer or searching for the mathematical formula for world peace here), this and the underlying “oh no I threw my brother in and totally flaked on his first week” worries were glaring at me the whole time. ARGH.

Yeah, I’m pretty bummed about that! More than, you know, “oh gee, I have a hernia that’s causing me a ton of pain, and have to have surgery” (since that can be fixed) but I can’t re-do Robert’s Lazy Peons raiding debut or the first contact with Char! Those things only happen once! While it was moderately successful without me (he got quite a bit of loot, including tier pants, and stomped on Tyrant Velhari), they were missing one of their healers and Robert was in Enhancement mode (as in, he’s more geared for that than Restoration) and… argh. If my mother hadn’t been super-late, I coulda been there and brought in my cow priest.

Next week, I suppose. :S

Apparently Cy decided to take Robert and some others through Mythic dungeons to get more gear, so that’s good. And Char promoted him to Loafer-rank (I must find out how THAT happened), also good! And so by the time the next LP raid happens, he’ll be better prepared.

Despite everything that happened, I’m really glad I brought in Robert. He seems happier than before, and getting more comfortable around everyone else. Perhaps we’ll be able to sell him on talking in Vent soon enough. :)

As for which of us gets to Lust (if I’m on my mage)? I guess we’ll have to /roll for it. :P

Orc-fist Gronnling

Sunday, October 11th, 2015

Welp, things kinda took a different (and in many ways BETTER) turn regarding my brother.

Badass Siblings... for the Horde?!

Badass Siblings… for the Horde?!

Originally the intent was to, um, get Robert to bring Kiros (or any of his level 100 alts really) to the EoTT OpenRaid events.

Except lately our raid composition has been rather odd in Lazy Peons, Horde-side. Because we’ve had to compensate for not having Sarah and Suzi, and also my having to swap in Cow!Phil in case one of our other normal healers is absent, we miss out on some pretty critical raid buffs. And as the Peons progress further into HFC (and start poking around in Heroic mode), we’re going to need an additional healer that can also Lust. Something like… a shaman.

…which Robert has, if you recall. (Mr. Cloudshatter up there, that sexy orc)

Boss-man Char asked me, ever so subtly (not), to “work my Annoying Little Sister magic” and prod Robert into levelling said shaman so he can raid with us. And so I pitched the request, fulling expecting my brother to say no (because, really, that IS asking a lot).

But… he said yes?! GASP.

I think it’s part-“Robert gets to play his favorite class” (he’s never OUTRIGHT said it, but the dude loves shammy-ness) and part “okay, there isn’t much more to do aside from farming gold/oil/achievements.” And he did say quite awhile ago that he missed raiding and wanted a consistent group to run with. So, wish granted, in a manner of speaking!

And he’s been levelling like a fiend, getting from 52 to, as of this writing, 97. From what I understand, he’s going Resto/Enhancement (where Akaycia is Resto/Elemental). I would honestly be surprised if he was not level-capped and raid-viable as of Tuesday, just in time for the next guild raid. I have done my part in helping him along, as much as he would allow me to (mostly in the capacity of Shaman glyphs), as well as introducing him to others in the guild (who all get to see first-hand how terrible he is at asking for/accepting help). He seems to get along rather well with Cy, Broc and Schado, and while he hasn’t gotten to really talk with Char and Alex yet, the epic meeting’s going to happen eventually! One way or another, either sometime before or on the day of Robert’s first attendance, they will meet, and it will be both scary and awesome.

(Hell yeah, I’m recording that raid session. Bonus points if I can record Vent on a separate audio track. I need to preserve such a thing, it’s that much a big deal.)

It’s… a little funny, in a way. Officially, cow!Phil is Sarah’s substitute (as well as the sub-of-the-day for whoever of our 3 healers is absent) but it seems Robert may be more appropriate, since it’d be a Shaman replacing a Shaman. Well, it’s not like this arrangement eliminates me from healing, it just pushes me to Absolute Last Resort territory, like if we’re missing TWO healers. Which HAS happened, by the way. I mean, we have Paladin healers (Cy, Cowgath and I think Cathari?) but… Paladin healers don’t have AoE healing cooldowns, which are kind of a necessary thing, you know? And the few AoE heals they have are best used in melee range, so… yeah.

Shorter version: Robert is joining the Lazy Peons raiding team and we are all very happy and thankful for it (especially me, because oh my god I have wanted to raid current content with him FOR-FREAKING-EVER). Just one more thing, he says he’s going to be listen-only on Vent if only because he can’t be bothered to get a headset or pick a hotkey. We’ll have to sell him on actually talking, because if you know my brother, he’s pretty much prime voice actor material and the potential for badassery is too great. We can’t have him being a permanent non-talker! It’s bad enough I don’t get to hear Alex on Vent! :P

Other stuff of less import: I’ve been in the hospital twice, again, because of UTIs and intestinal wonkiness and… yeah, that was a thing that happened. See my Facebook timeline if you want that story. Blah.

Bro-fist Gronnling

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015
Badass Siblings

Together once more!

So, that totally just happened. As of two weeks ago, after six months of being MIA, my brother finally took my offer (of taking Yggdrasil) and has returned to the game! It has also been decided that I am to permanently retain the guild boss-pants, so now I am Boss-lady Supreme of Shattered Knights. (As if this was the first guild I “inherited.” Hi, Across!) I gave him a spare Coalfist Gronnling mount as well as other extra battle pets I got from garrison missions; bro is very much a mount collector so he was pretty happy about that. We also got him Draenor Pathfinder so now he can fly, and I’m just about to sell him on coming to raid with EoTT. :D

Horde-side, he also joined Lazy Peons as an orc resto shammy. While bro has yet to meet Char… oh jeebus, that’s going to be something to remember. (He did meet George/Ninigi, one of our tanks, so that’s a thing.)

It has also come out that our original Shattered Knights boss-man, Karlia, is probably going to return for the next expansion! Well… if we have three people, it does mean we can get the guild achievements for 5-man dungeon completion, so that’s something to look forward to. :)

As for me, both of my mages have finished their legendary rings! For the Alliance version of Yoshi, I tried to bring my brother along for the LEGENDARY KARABOR DANCE PARTY (since, um, he was able to observe my getting Dragonwrath, we figured he would be able to see the ceremony for the final ring upgrade) but, alas, damn you phasing! While he could see the transcript of the voiced dialog, all of the NPCs and such were invisible to him. :( Well, now I know, because I was about to invite Cal (EoTT boss-man) to observe when Phil finishes his ring.

Cow!Phil has been taking a more active role in Lazy Peons’s raiding, though depending on raid composition it is also a possibility that I may be asked to switch between him and the other Yoshi as needed. This is something I am completely okay with, since I keep both characters geared because of such a possible scenario.

“What IS it like to be in a guild with your sibling, anyway?” I imagine the answer is going to be different for everyone (Lazy Peons has among them twin sisters). For me, it was an attempt to find an alternate means of connecting with my brother. It is, unfortunately, not really possible to hang out with him in person (less because of time and distance, but more like… complicated family drama and infrastructure problems) and on the rare situations it is, it ends up being horribly awkward because I have to deal with trying to keep my depression and anxiety stuffed in a corner to not make other people uncomfortable. /facepalm

But within WoW, it’s a different story. It’s kinda like… the “sibling” part gets partially-suspended in favor of “guild buddies.” Like he’s a friend first and brother (marginally) second. I have been able to find so much more about him this way than I ever would have in person, and remembered a bunch of other things, like how he’s the original Voice Actor Nerd between us, or how I totally got him into Gurren Lagann. :D (The whole “bro” thing comes from that, by the way. Also he is totally Kittan. Oh jeebus bro is so freaking Kittan.) We have this unspoken agreement to not bring up the above-mentioned real-world stuff unless it’s absolutely necessary, because it kinda negates this being a safe space.

I’ve been, admittedly, a LITTLE aggressive in trying to introduce bro to the friends I’ve made since his machine went down. I think it comes from wanting to stitch my friend groups together where possible, it just feels less disjointed that way. That and I have this dumb curiosity about what would happen if he met certain people (Char, Alex and Cyril from Lazy Peons, Cal and Andro from EoTT, Frailin, Brenna and Vely from Critically Insane). As I said earlier, bro meeting Char would be something to remember. Scary but too awesome not to do. XD