Ayarane Project

I am forever a good-for-nothing.

I’m really tired of mother deciding, on a whim, that I am the WORST PERSON EVER and suddenly declaring me a crappy driver because I chose to, you know, wait for the kids to cross the street before making my right turn (since that’s the LAW, pedestrians override practically everything) rather than do as she says and turn when there was enough space. Why am I being punished for obeying the law over her? Is it that this is some low-blow attempt to get me to give up on trying to get my license so she can keep me as a convenient puppy to kick…? Well, not that she was lacking in excuses before: her hissyfit over Robert made her more aggressive towards me, making up with Robert translates to “I need someone to pick on” so once again she cranks up her aggression towards me…

Evil Stepfather’s snarky suggestion that mother should leave the puppy gate on the stairway permanently so he doesn’t have to look at me… just… no.

I don’t need to deal with any of this. And everyone wonders why my self-confidence seems to be stuck in the negatives? I’ve even stopped thinking about what happens after I get my license, since every time so far, SOMETHING has gone wrong. I want so much for the day in which I can finally live ALONE (as in, with only my cat) and not have to worry about my very existence offending somebody for whatever imaginary reason, since apparently I totally fail as a daughter, a sister, a partner… EVERYTHING. I can’t disappear because I’ll get dragged back and made to suffer more. But even the dream of solitude just drifts farther away…

And… argh, I forgot to charge my Bluetooth pieces again. My transmitter’s sapped, and my headphones may not have enough charge to last through my shift.