This is not a post

I need to do something… this “living in a vacuum” nonsense is getting to me.
If I wasn’t already painfully aware of my irrelevance to the universe… I don’t know. It’s getting to the point where I fear I’m offending people with my very existence, so isolated and uncultured and such. I could watch nothing but news channels all day (in fact, I DO), but I still feel ignorant.

“LOL BULLDOGS” is a legitimate reason to have not been able to do much of anything, but it’s not the only one. Probably the ass-backwardness of dealing with the DMV (such as being penalized for what I thought was following the rules) dropped a gigantic nuke on my confidence, and I’m such a timid, incompetent tool if it’s taken me this long to even BEGIN to regenerate…

I can’t instantly grow a backbone. (with apologies to [info]fanafox and others who share her sentiment on the matter) I don’t care how much others think I’m “talented” or such nonsense, it does not enable me to just will myself out of this… lacking of any kind of confidence, not after years of being told how much I’m a good-for-nothing and how I’m so unappealing that nobody will ever want to associate with me.
I can, however, jumpstart it… I think…
…but I can’t pinpoint how, or where to begin.
I wonder if I need to fall back on something…? Something that I was pressured into casting aside or just indulging in secret because others pointed or complained, or declared me a bad person over it…

Buh. Perhaps I should sleep.


Comments are closed.